“That Day”

There will always be, “That Day”.

That day Sean took his own life,

That day my house was a Suicide scene,

That day our blonde baby girl remembers dancing around in her long skirt while her daddy played his guitar,

That day our beautiful auburn-haired daughter with freckles on her cheeks and blue eyes remembers running to hug her daddy as he entered the porch returning home from work. 

Life would never be the same. 

It was a somewhat quiet night in our house, I was sick and the girls were laying with me in my bed. Sean and I had not been on speaking terms for way over 2 weeks and he had been sleeping on the couch . He was really good at ignoring me when he was upset at me, which was often. I recall this time was because I refused to stop attending church and being friends with a good friend of mine named Aileen.  Aileen had introduced me to the church and  God’s purpose for me and in this life. Sean knew he was losing me to something more powerful than he could control and that was, God.  The church is a whole nother topic…

Anyhow, I don’t want to distract you from, That Day. 

Sean was alarmingly over nice to me that night, they say this is normal behavior for someone feeling content with the decision they’ve already made. He entered our room with NyQuil and some other cold medicine saying I needed to take it to feel better. I’m pretty sure he overdosed me on purpose. I’d asked him why so much, but once again the response was, to feel better. I wasn’t quite understanding his mood, being he was in a happy mood. He had left the room but re-entering it with his black acoustic guitar in his hands. He stood at the foot of the bed , the girls glowing with excitement of him playing and singing to us and that’s when he had began doing just that. He looked happy as I layed  there feeling more drowsy than ever. I could see a difference in his face, but wasn’t sure where this was coming from, just the previous night we argued that he had indeed been sleeping as he claimed he hadn’t slept in 3 days. 

Both girls had slowly fallen  asleep as I too had drifted away into a sleep as I remember him exiting the room. 

That dreadful morning 

What I had thought was a crashing of a plate caused by the cat was far from that. 

That noise 

That crashing sound

I remember that day all to well, like if it were yesterday. 

The smell

The surroundings

The cold feeling in the air

The sun was shining through the blinds as I awoke to the morning. As I slowly placed my feet on the floor I somehow knew God had prepared me for something I wasn’t ever going to forget. Could I handle this? I glanced over at both girls sleeping peacefully and exited the room. First, entering the bathroom to find Sean’s facial hair all over the sink, how that always irritated me. As I left the bathroom entering the living room I could see Sean’s pillow and blanket on the couch, clearly ruffled from a person that had been sleeping. I noticed as I looked through the window that his car was still in the driveway parked in the same spot as the previous day. My mind was racing and I grew uneasy within myself. I had somehow knew what the Lord had prepared me for. 

Beer cans stacked on the kitchen counter

An eary feeling lingering in the room

And quietness 

I slowly opened the door going into the garage from the kitchen. 

And that is when it became, That Day!

Sean had taken his own life in the most horrific way. I would never be the same person again and neither would our life together. The life I so hoped for filled with happiness would never be with him. He, Sean had taken it all away. The enemy had entered our home and engulfed Our lives. 

Policemen 

Ambulance 

Hazemat

Yellow tape

My heart was calm , yet broken. 💔

My family 💔💜💜💜